Musical Singlesisms

Short one today because I'm saving up for a very long one coming soon!

This is what my week has looked like: 

***Satire at bottom of post

- Screw chick flicks and chocolate and tears! Full tank of gas, 6 pack of mountain drew, monster, guitars, nice amps, homecooked Asian food= how us single depressed musicians spend our singles day... Oh yeah, there were some pretty guitars and a trip to Guitar Center and Sam Ash!

- "Romantic" dinner and a movie? How about you take me to a guitar store, play with me, serenade me, and try to impress me. Then, laser tag. Forget dinner where I have to wear a dress and everything, take me home and cook with me, it's more fun, or take me to a coffee shop with live music. Bonus points if you bring me heart shaped guitar picks instead of flowers. 

- Guitar guy: " I can get any girl I want because I play guitar! All it takes is one easy sweet song!" 

Me: "That ain't gonna work on me" 

Guy: "Why not?" 

Me: "Because I can play. Write me a song, lyrics and all, stand out side my window and perform it to me, throwing pebbles and all that sweet stuff included" :P 

- Rainbow roses are awesome, google them. 

- "You're smart, cute, sweet, and beautiful" as reasons for wanting to date me will get a door slammed in your face, and I will be NONE of those as I do so. 

- Bowling is a sucky date, I would just leave. It's worse than putt putt

- Sonic has the least unhealthy french fries

-What do you call a guy that tells women to go make him sandwiches? Single.

 Guitarists And Dating: Satire

-Guy That Plays Guitar= hot stuff that can get a date

-Girl that plays guitar= Asked out by jerks and a-holes and then remains single because she scares hot guitar guys. 

-Guy that can play well AND built his own guitar= Hottest stuff on the market, but then either falls for a blonde ditz or scene "songwriter" that knows nothing about music theory. Either way, she has no guitar skills whatsoever. 

-Girl that has a sparkly pink guitar and THNKS she can play "like Taylor Swift"= Never gonna be taken seriously and all dates will be with completely pansies that don't know good music. 

-Guy that thinks he can play guitar but only has a Fender Squire that he carries around to attempt to look hot= A lot of very short relationships because he's stupid enough to ask out the girls who play guitar only to get dumped after the first time he tries to serenade them. 

-Girl that can't play guitar at all but claims she's "into rock music" which means wannabe punk boybands that play a total of 5 chords = Actually ends up going out with above, until she realizes that the guy that plays guitar is so much hotter. 

-Guy that is in a "punk rock cover band"= Gets the above girl while attempting to get the girl who plays guitar because he thinks he's BA enough for her but ends up embarrassing himself. 

-Guy that plays banjo as well as guitar- Hated by other guitar guys, but wins over the hearts of girls who like banjos, especially Taylor Swift wannabes.

-Girl who wears bunny ears, is obsessed with dinosaurs, and says her boyfriend will teach her guitar= Never actually learns guitar but stays happy with boyfriend and for some reason always has a hotter boyfriend than the girls who play guitar. 

-Guy that says he's "always wanted to learn" guitar but "never has time" and wears too tight skinny jeans = gets laughed at by everyone except girl who is "into music" and girl "plays like Taylor Swift" who either says "I'll teach you!" or "Let's learn together!" They actually make a cute couple that ends up as the ridicule and/or envy of all the single guitarists even though both sides generally suck. 

- Band geek that claims woodwind is better than a guitar=  Doesn't date a guitarist.