Darling Don't You Ever Grow Up

It was my little sister's birthday a few weeks ago so I learned "Never Grow Up" to sing to her. Today I was working on some graphics and it started playing and I just sat there for a while and listened to it. I thought a lot about growing up (I guess that's a given) It's so hard to believe that I'm 17 now and that in about 5 months, I'll be on my own in college. I'll be 18 in June and I'll have to handle everything myself.

I've always loved being an independent person, I have a job and I use my own money from it to buy lunch when I go off campus, I shop for my clothes myself, I basically take care of myself in general with my plans. But I don't do my own laundry and I love my mama's cooking. Part of me can't wait to grow up and start a career and have a family and all that, but another part of me screams to stay like this forever. Senior year is partially a dream for me, I have so much access to all this amazing software and I can do whatever I want with it. I have a security blanket of being a student when doing anything and someone to actually tell me how to do something when I'm stuck. This time next year I'll be doing similar things, but I won't have that safety net.

I want to get out of this town so badly. I want to go away from all the people and the all the hurt more than anything. But that also means I'll be running away from my friends, my life here, and just about everything I know. Thinking about that scares me. Life already isn't innocent anymore, I'm growing up. I don't really want to grow up but yet I do want to grow up. I guess I just need to suck up the fear and face it, then I'll be happy as I grow up and college life starts.

I once wrote a song that went along the lines of "Winter will become spring even though I'm leaving" Honestly, I don't remember much more about that song, but I thought of that line when I'm sitting around thinking of college. It's going to be a new season and a new start, which is exactly what I need. There's too much pain and memories in this season that I'm more than willing to just go away from.

But Dear Reader, hold onto what you have now as much as you can. Life is only going to get tougher as you grow older. You may hate your parent's rules and curfews, but keep your innocence as long as you can, the world is cruel and sometimes you'll be happier not knowing.