Who Am I?

Well I'm just another bored teenager of course. Well I don't like to think of myself as average. I am simply me. I am who God created me to be and I'm ok with that. I'm not perfect. I'm not the prettiest or the smartest girl you'll ever meet, but I'm comfortable in my own skin. I have a purpose in life and I'm going to figure that out and fulfill it someday. I'm different and I don't mind. Some people think I'm weird or strange or crazy, but I don't mind. Love me or hate me, it's your choice and not really something I can change. I know I'm not going to be everyone's favorite person but that's ok, I don't have to be. As long as I can be myself and live life how I should, I'll be happy. I'll deny that sometimes and think I'm miserable, but deep down I'll be happy. I'm not the cookie cutter little miss perfect either. I have my flaws, I've had my tough times that have gone to the extreme. I've gone down dark roads and I'm lucky (not to mention thankful!) to be writing this. Don't try to label me, it's impossible.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!

It's holiday time again and all I've been doing is playing guitar and writing! Wrote two short stories in the past 24 hours and play guitar for 5 of those hours! Other than that, I've been sitting at home or at work and spending Christmas Eve with my dog. 
It's my mom's birthday so the fam went out to the next town cause my cousins wanted to cook or something and left me to mope and feel sorry for myself, but at least I got a little writing done. But it does get lonely sitting around with my little hairball for company, she's actually just taking an extended nap tonight... that's what I get for not having a boyfriend to spend Christmas Eve with. 
With everything that's happened recently, it just doesn't feel like the holidays anymore. 

Friday, December 17, 2010

Smile, You're Beautiful!

Wow things have been crazy lately! Everything from funerals, to boys, to writing, to just plain ol' craziness! "Smile, You're Beautiful" is my latest catchphrase though!

Why? Because I'm getting pretty sick of being "perfect" and "pretty" all the time! I remember I was talking about that sorta stuff with one of my guy friends, who does admit that he's a bit on the chubby side. We made a little deal that if I would send him a picture of myself with no makeup, he would send me a picture of him before he fixed his poofy hair. Well the next morning I did send him that picture, the conclusion, an eye opener that we both do need a bit of a confidence boost.

I do know that I usually come across as bold, confident, and just a little crazy. I've always said I'm comfortable with myself, but then again, "myself" has makeup on, hair styled with a 450 degree iron almost every day, and a constant habit of keeping a tally of everything I eat. "Myself" is also considered quite beautiful (not to be conceited, but me with makeup is pretty good looking) However the me with no makeup, not so much... so many flaws and imperfections. Yeah that's where the all too cliche "Everyone is beautiful" part comes in, but what you don't know is that I can be a total bitch sometimes. Makeup feels more of a symbolic type thing when I think about that. I put on makeup and turn into this sweet charming girl that guys' mother's fall in love with.

Reality check time: I'm not ugly, but looking at myself, I'm probably prettier on the outside when I have makeup than on the inside. Is it so wrong for me to be so comfortable as myself and not the sweet little spazz everyone knows me to be? Is it wrong for me to just have a mental health day and cry? Oh wait, that would mess up the makeup.

Either way, point is guys AND girls, you're beautiful, but you gotta let both sides shine through. Trust me, no one's perfect, no matter how perfect they appear to be.

I remember saying something to that guy friend of mine one day. He asked me why I always wear makeup even though he thinks I don't look too bad without it. My response:" Well when you're skinny like me, it doesn't matter how pretty my face is or how nice I am. What people pay attention to is how Barbie dolled up I am. Skinny= must have makeup to be "pretty" not to mention having to dress better than jeans and a t-shirt to make any sort of impression of being "pretty" if I weighed another 50 lbs, I could be judged for me and my face, not my tiny waist and the amount of mirror time I spent"

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Prayers Needed!

I know I don't have many readers, but whoever does read my blog, my friend Jorge got hit by a car this morning. He's in critical condition and it doesn't look likely that he'll live, but miracles happen! I just ask that you pray for him and speak life over him. This is mindblowing crazy for me; to have to face the fact that a friend of mine could easily be snatched away from me... Sure we weren't the closest people ever, but we have plenty of fun memories!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

SUCCESS!

On November 28th, I finished my NaNoWriMo novel! Since then I've rewritten my college essays and just didn't have enough time for the big announcement. As of right now, that's about all I have time to type...