Who Am I?

Well I'm just another bored teenager of course. Well I don't like to think of myself as average. I am simply me. I am who God created me to be and I'm ok with that. I'm not perfect. I'm not the prettiest or the smartest girl you'll ever meet, but I'm comfortable in my own skin. I have a purpose in life and I'm going to figure that out and fulfill it someday. I'm different and I don't mind. Some people think I'm weird or strange or crazy, but I don't mind. Love me or hate me, it's your choice and not really something I can change. I know I'm not going to be everyone's favorite person but that's ok, I don't have to be. As long as I can be myself and live life how I should, I'll be happy. I'll deny that sometimes and think I'm miserable, but deep down I'll be happy. I'm not the cookie cutter little miss perfect either. I have my flaws, I've had my tough times that have gone to the extreme. I've gone down dark roads and I'm lucky (not to mention thankful!) to be writing this. Don't try to label me, it's impossible.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Another hard one...

Well it seems like life is enjoying throwing difficult choices at me... the latest dilemma: An independent study offer. It's everything I could want in high school, an entire class period in the sci-vis lab with just about total freedom! I'll get to work on my own projects, mess with the software, even work on some video editing and self teach myself! There's just one catch, I'd have to give up chorus.
Chorus is something that's just been part of my daily life for the past few years. My director is a household names with all the chorus room stories, I've got my piles of chorusy and musical paraphernalia all over the place and piles of sheet music littering my desk. Next semester would be my last show, my senior show. Of course I'll still have after school show choir and my senior showcase song, but I won't be doing any of the pieces and have the glory of being up front with all the seniors anymore. Just the thought of that makes me want to cry.
But on the other hand, that independent study is something I've dreamed of. Do I want this upcoming show to be my last show and go after Sci-vis, which might actually pertain to my major, or do I stick with the passion that I've loved, lived, and breathed for the past almost 4 years? Choices like these aren't made with ease. I know there are others that would kill for the independent study, but I'd kill for some spotlight.
Talent wise, I know I'm talented with graphics and design and all that artsy stuff. I know I'm good with the software I've learned, but I'm also afraid of the unknown, the software I've never used before. What if the regular students that will be in the room can show me up on something? What happens if I'm not the one answering questions to the amateurs, but instead asking them? What if I'm not top dog anymore? Those questions scare me as much as facing the reality that I'll have to have a last show with my beloved choir, maybe even more.

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