Who Am I?

Well I'm just another bored teenager of course. Well I don't like to think of myself as average. I am simply me. I am who God created me to be and I'm ok with that. I'm not perfect. I'm not the prettiest or the smartest girl you'll ever meet, but I'm comfortable in my own skin. I have a purpose in life and I'm going to figure that out and fulfill it someday. I'm different and I don't mind. Some people think I'm weird or strange or crazy, but I don't mind. Love me or hate me, it's your choice and not really something I can change. I know I'm not going to be everyone's favorite person but that's ok, I don't have to be. As long as I can be myself and live life how I should, I'll be happy. I'll deny that sometimes and think I'm miserable, but deep down I'll be happy. I'm not the cookie cutter little miss perfect either. I have my flaws, I've had my tough times that have gone to the extreme. I've gone down dark roads and I'm lucky (not to mention thankful!) to be writing this. Don't try to label me, it's impossible.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Fun Pick-Me-Ups For Smiles :)

I'm a person who loves to smile and make people smile. So lately I've been feeling really down, I don't know if it's from all the crap talk or what, but I've just felt really depressed and lonely lately. There are tons of ways I could self medicate, but this round, I've decided to go with a pretty healthy way! I decided to do random nice things (or at least try to be nice, I'm naturally a very temperamental snappy person...) So today I've decided to compile a list of things that I've been doing or want to do while I'm feeling like this.

1. Sticky notes. I've been writing encouraging notes and sticking them on mirrors and such in bathrooms! Nothing made me smile more than when I walked into a school bathroom this morning to find that someone had stuck a note in one of the stalls and beat me! Of course, I proceeded to add another 10 notes to that bathroom :) Just cause I felt it was necessary for people to see notes everywhere they turn. 3 bathrooms got sticky noted today :)

2. Smile, really smiling at others makes people smile and sometimes smiles are all someone needs.

3. Crawl into a corner and cry, yes I'm guilty of doing that way too much this week, but it's not weakness to cry. Had to learn that lesson the hard way.

4. Go learn new software. If you've talked to me lately while I've been in a techy mood, you'll hear about me and my obsession with Prezi, because right now I think it's one of the best things since sliced bread!

5. Write, that one's a bit hypocritical... because I haven't been able to make myself write for weeks now... it doesn't feel very good... but I've done some good in art if that counts for anything...

6. Wear a dress! It's such a good confidence booster! I feel so pretty when I wear a dress or skirt! Disclaimer: Guys, it might not be very helpful for you to wear a dress... let's leave this one to the girls...

7. Surprise someone, pay for movie ticket or coffee for the person behind you, the looks on their faces when you watch through your rear view mirror is awesome!

8. This is probably a "me" thing because I'm a weird crazy loser, but I like to browse DeviantArt telling girls they're beautiful. I don't blame you if you're too shy for that haha, I'm generally insane in that department.

9. Paint your toenails, another confidence booster thing, because every time I look down I see sparkles and it's just a little thing that boosts my confidence :)

10. Sing and dance like no one's around, especially if there really isn't someone around... Every morning I'm not rushing to gulp down coffee and get makeup on as my car warms up, I sing and dance around my room. It's fun and super energizing!

11. Green Tea Ice Cream, it just makes everything better. Pair it with Mountain Dew and life just seems so much better!

12. Play guitar, I don't know why this is so far down the list... probably because it's mostly an every day activity... but it really does make me feel better...

13. Try on old prom dresses, or in my case, my 20 formal gowns I happen to randomly own... It makes me feel like a princess and beautiful :) Yeah, you can probably tell I haven't felt very beautiful lately, but these little pick me ups help!

14. Clean out your purse, the sense of accomplishment is amazing! It's like a huge weight has been lifted!

15. Do the same for your car, room, makeup table, etc, not that I actually did that or really want to... but I imagine one would feel accomplished...

Friday, February 11, 2011

Is It Just Gonna Be A Dream?

Valentine's day is coming up! Of course I'm going to spend most of it with the robotics team considering we have a fundraiser that day, but I'm hoping a certain someone will be dropping by to see me ;) As for a dream, I've actually started working on a new blog called The Unconditional Love Campaign. It's going to be all about showing the love of Jesus and the world to others no matter what. I have no artistic inspiration for the look of it or how I'm going to kick this off or make it any good, but I'm just so excited!
Life's been treating me both amazing and horrible at once. It's almost like I feel like I'm living a double life. One minute I'm at home being miserable and hating myself, a few hours later I could be getting excited over getting something new to cover.
What I'm really excited for is for all these robotics related events coming up! Monday is the fundraiser, which is basically my project and my baby. Then next week even though I'm on the team, I've been asked by the TV station I'm "working" for to cover the unveiling of the robot! I get to lead my own crew and everything!

And I haven't done this in a while but... Songs That Are Currently Stuck In My Head:
1. "Enchanted"- Taylor Swift- I can't stop singing it! I even learned how to play it for the most part!
2. "Who Is Like Our God"- Skillet- I've been listening to a lot of chill stuff lately, just cause
3. "How He Loves"- John Mark McMillian - amazing song, nuff said.
4. "The Only Exception" - Paramore, it has a lot of meaning to me right now :)
5. "F***ing Perfect" - Pink, I'm not quite the advocate of cussing, but that song is so beautiful!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Facebook "Likes"

Guess it's time for me to write something a bit lighter considering how down I've been feeling lately, so here it goes!

I know you've seen those crazy "facebook likes" about how guys should treat girls or "being weird" Sure they're cute but has anyone realized that you're just not as weird as you think?
Those fairytales of "a real guy" have the same likelyhood of those "fairytale vs real life" things. Sure my guy has put down his video games and stopped playing Deadspace to call me, that was sweet of him. It def wasn't as big of a deal as some girls make it out to be...
I do have guyfriends that are like brothers that do threaten my boyfriends, it's quite fun actually! And yeah it's true, guyfriends are amazing until you start liking them. Oh another one was the whole "Going to school wearing sweatpants, no makeup, hair undone and he still calls me beautiful" or whatever it is. Now, I've been told I don't need makeup by my guy before, but the one time he's seen me looking like a slob was when he was taking care of me after my surgery and I looked like a freaking CHIPMUNK! All he said was "it's not THAT bad"
But in his defense one day I told him I felt prettier than normal cause my hair was really cute and he said "You should feel like that every day" and I said "I just feel extra pretty today" and he goes "You look that pretty everyday!" "But you haven't seen me today..." "I know, I can feel it with the force." Now that is corny but so cute! He did start going on about his win streak in Starcraft right after though...

My favorite "like" is definately "What do you call a guy that tells women to make him sandwiches? Single"

But really people, liking dinosaurs isn't the weirdest thing on earth anymore... actually it's pretty popular, gotta love counter culture! I'm pretty sure just about everyone dances around their room in the morning too and has pretended to be asleep when they're parents are around, so you're not that different.

Then there's another funny one I liked "First "Firework" then "Grenade" what's next "Nuclear Bomb?" You know what my first thought was? "How about I go write a song called "Nuclear Bomb!" Well I do have a sub in Sci-Vis today... thus why I'm writing during class... maybe that's what I'll do for the next hour and half... My writer's block is going crazy though...

Friday, February 4, 2011

Hope and Freedom

I'm sitting here in my Sci-Vis class making and animating an electric can opener in 3D. I finished quickly and turn on my laptop (aka use iTunes) and the song "Set Me Free" by Casting Crowns started playing. This song is just what I needed to hear. Lately, it's been a depressing month. One, it's almost Valentine's Day, that's enough to make anyone depressed. Two, life generally sucks.

Point is, even though during all the stress (I've cried my stress tears for the year already...and it's not even musical season yet...) I still have hope. Hope that things will get better, that things will work out, that I can make it through this. Of course I'm going to need Jesus and his angels to get me through the next couple months even more than usual. My schedule pretty much exploded to the point I've been staying on campus... a lot...

No matter how broken down one can feel, there's always that bit of hope, somewhere. I once heard a saying that went "It's the minority that screams so loud that everyone thinks there's so much more than there really are." I find this to be quite true, even in politics haha.

Today in tech theatre, I pulled out a stapler from my purse. Duckie was wowed and said "Do you also carry the cure for cancer in there?" My response: "Maybe, I carry DO hope in there." I pulled out my sticky note pad with my prewritten notes of love and hope on them. I haven't actually gotten around to putting many up today because of my busy meeting schedule, but I'll do it soon enough.

That brings me to last night, a great friend of mine finally helped me get the guts to work on my other blogish site thingy... I have been a huge supporter of Operation Beautiful for a long long time. I started working on what I call Unconditional Love Project. It's my personal campaign of love. I want to keep leaving these notes of love, hopefully I'll get other people to do the same. I want a blog dedicated to encouragement, but I don't want to be the sole writer, more like the editor. It's a big dream for it to be anything big, but I think I have the right to dream like that ever once in a while. Plus, as Paul put it "If you can get one person to smile for one second even once, it's all worth it." Very true words.

Not really much else to write today... I got 3 hours of sleep last night sooo yeahh... brain=fried.